Struggle!

The quintessential part of our existence.We find struggle in all phases of life. At times we decide that we want to take a treacherous path head on, and at times fate throws us  far along the dusty road. But the idea which makes this whole activity tolerable is the end goal. Be the result happy or sad, there are always takeaways. At times big enough to last a lifetime and making you a stronger person. And at times leaving you broken for days to come.

The good thing about dark days is that their number is limited. There’s a certain way in which god has made us. There’s a secret ingredient. It’s called Human Spirit. It helps us last the days and fuels our thirst for survival. It takes time, I know, but at the end of the day, it’s all about bouncing back.

I had heard somewhere that it is okay to be broken. Because once you are broken, all you can do is reinvent yourself.

And when we bounce back our limitations decrease.We learn from our mistakes, set a realistic goal for the future and decide our struggles and make our way against them.

Nadir

Well here we are big guy, u and me, that’s right, one on one. I have never done this before. On the other hand, u seem to be used to it. This is a game u love to lose, but defeating you at your own turf is not a child’s play. The rules are bent on your side. The beach girls gather around you in this matchup. You act like a big boss. For the dearth of words its david vs goliath. In my defence , that was just one story when david won. There are thousands of goliaths winning everyday, no one is taking a picture on those turfs, they call it common sense. Well, common sense is called common for a reason. A COMMON man will not challenge it. Only idiots will. And these idiots , if they manage to break the expected outcome predicted by common sense, achieve greatness.

With the professional and love life both coming to a halt, it is a personal rock bottom. I had a job and I had a love life, but everything was so haywire. Now I don’t have any. And it’s a clean slate. I should be devastated, but on the contrary I’m loving it. I have to start from the scratch and I can build the castle as I want to. Earlier I just followed the flow. Now I can plan.

Life has put me here. And what can I say… I never chose to be an idiot. It’s not by choice. I have learnt that with time. Your gut takes you to that place. Makes u do those things u do .. and then u land in the bottomless pit with everyone looking down at u like you are a big man baby who never knew how to cope with this world in the first place. That is when u realize, you are actually an idiot. live with it! Or become the David. Clearly the thought makes me fart in my pants. But the question is..”did the big old guy give me an option?”.

He just threw me in the field. And there I am. I can picture that. Battered and torn.I notice something strange. I am laughing. And there is a twinkle in my eye. And I am getting up.. it’s a crazy emotion, I sense some madness in my behavior. The crowd is cheering… I am moving towards goliath, and there goes my first shot..

Wishes

April 10,2010 ... 2350 Hrs

Tonight is a strange night. everything will change tomorrow. the time i get up, the way i dress for office,the feelings that i get about what to expect... everything changes. It feels fine. I am not too happy about this change,but i am not sad about it either. some things just have to be done. because it's for your greater good.

Change is a strange companion. It does not leave you, and at the same time it goes dormant till the time u strive for it. This is the usual style that change carries around, because this way you have no one else to blame but you.

Wishes made at times take seconds to get fulfilled. mostly in my case the wishes are a result of a mixed bag of negatives,but mostly its about the spur of a moment.And when such wishes come true.. you feel a churn in the stomach,primarily because you were not ready for it..

The fear steps in front of you as you tread into the unknown. And there is no other way but to face it... why?
Well because u were the idiot who wished. Small and simple.. one step at a time... that's the best strategy as far as i can think right now... one step .. at a time!

Clueless

"I guess people smoke weed to keep their dreams alive, because last time i checked, reality was flushing them down the drain"

A lot of people asked me why i did not post anything on the blog for such a long time. I had no answer.I just did not feel like. I think i was too busy drinking up. it had been the best way to pass time. Yeah you heard it right, "to pass time".

Life is currently a mixture : Clueless + No activity + Vague + no direction

I think i have lost the charm. Having a job sucks. It's for no greater good. You just get to pretend to be "HI FI" in front of your mom's friends who might go home and maybe speak to their daughters about how successful you are.But the ballyhoo stops right when you come back from the social gatherings. You know it, its not heading anywhere.

So you just drink up, be yourself and hope time will take you somewhere where you might find some greater good,for yourself. Just for yourself.

I have no sense of what is next.and i admit that i am too comfortable in my cocoon. But then there is nothing more to life as i see it currently. I wanna see more, feel more , experience more. I want to see if i am missing something very important in my life. But at the same time there is a fear that i just might be living the dream. from which i should not have woken up.

Still i think if i do not venture out to find out,i might not be able to ever appreciate my life. Even if it is in a vague sense of confusion, i might just try a change. maybe it will teach me something new or maybe it will teach me to value what i have currently. Either ways change is on the cards. I wish to embrace it. I hope i do.

Dilemma

At times you do not like how it's going, the other times you choose to ignore the reality!

I got up this morning and i wasn't happy at all. Something deep down inside is haunting me. I cannot disclose that. But there is something that needs to be done. Something that will knock me straight off my feet.

I have to go against something that i would fight for any day, just because it is the right thing to do. It's tearing me apart and i have this huge dilemma that i should go ahead with it or not.

Doing the right thing takes a lot of courage, i had heard that. But i never imagined that it could mean that you will have to hurt the ones you love the most. The questions that fill my mind right now are " Is it worth it?" and " Will i be happy after this?"

But that is not the point here.The point is everything needs to fall in place for that, and if it doesn't.. it all will be a waste. Am i willing to take that risk?

I myself do not have the guts to answer that right now. Because after a point the guts can look like foolishness.I am just scared that i will lose it all leaving behind a summer of 69 and whole past life to look back to.

The new phase of life; embrace it, face it and keep justifying yourself that you did make sense.

In the end its not about me, in the end it's about those we care about.
In the end i hope it's the right thing to do.

I need faith! I need courage! God Bless!

PAIN

Pain comes in all forms.
The small tinge; A bit of soreness;The random pain. The normal pains we live with everyday.
Then there’s the kind of pain you can’t ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out anything else.
Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt.

How we manage our pain is up to us.

Pain. We anaesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. And for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.
Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope that the wound that caused it heals.


There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside.
Most of the time pain can be managed. But sometimes the pain gets to you when you least expect it. It’s way below the belt and doesn’t let up.
Pain. You just have to fight through because the truth is you can’t out run it.

And life always make more.

First post,2010

“Every person is born twice.. the second time is when u find your place among people”

Congratulate me on my rebirth. New year brings a new ray of hope. Rebirth hints towards the social rebirth, the criterion for acceptance in the society, a freakin job!

It’s a big deal. Believe me. Or go stuff yourself and stop reading.

Reactions on getting a job vary FROM extreme stage of craziness which combines all the contemporary forms of dance with the BUT OBVIOUS form of bhangra as a filler, which can really nail u down to the floor TO a simple whisper consisting of the syllables “yayyy” and a friendly hug. The day you get placed, even the next door Jackass who despised you forever will come and look at you as if you are a shadow of King leonidas himself.( Considering the number of people to compete with to get a job, the odds are similar to Spartans winning the war )

I am happy, more than happy I am relieved. Being a lazy bum as I am, even the thought of getting ready for a placement process would tire me out so I had to even rest my thoughts.

Life is supposed to be easy for a couple of days now. People are working hard. Some of the aspiring candidates seeking fundas from the placed crowd.Little do they know that everyone is at the same page here. But the competitive advantage is obviously there so it is leveraged by ego inflation.

College is ending. People are getting nostalgic. I have dealt with it. I was more or less a “no attachment” guy anyways. I have my moments of nostalgia and then come out of it. I had my share of fun and now I look forward to the experiences life is about to sail me through.
Riders on the storm ;-)