Solitude

Today I want to talk about the social sin… Solitude!

The world around me seems so chatty and chirpy.. but I do not buy it. I do not know why.

Once upon a time I was this kid from the block who could not shut up despite of even getting bound and gagged numerous times for it, and now I see the transition … the world terms the transition as maturity… but I think there might be more to it. I do not intend to find out. I am happy with my solitude.

What more would a person like me want.. to sit on a beach at night.. just staring.. staring .. and staring deep into the water… trying to determine the depth of my own thoughts. Where would they take me. It’s a different journey altogether, away from the world.. something different that propels me towards an innate feeling of satisfaction. Makes me feel that I would be able to make peace with myself at the end of the day.

At times I think if what I did was right or wrong… and the only answer that I could come upon was that there is no right or wrong.. just the consequences of your actions.

At times I miss someone.. and I miss them so badly .. the aura, the touch so much that It becomes difficult to feel it. All I long for is the exact feeling which I got the first time it happened. I want it all to stay fresh. Helps me cherish the beauty of life.

In the race of life we all are missing out on practically everything worth living for .. the only thing that binds me to the roots is solitude. The connection between me and my soul.

I have noticed that people have a compelling need to fill the air with words or its just bad manners, I say its your journey and you choose how to travel.

So at times I have seen people wonder that what is it with me… maybe they need to send me to a social rehab or something. But then ;) rehab is for quitters!!

Show me what I’m looking for...

This post is a post for those people who don’t know how to fix their lives. I happen to be one of them. It’s the dilemma of my life. My priorities? What do I want from life? I end up getting bored out of it all. Life has become such a drag. Is this all life had to offer or is there more to it?

Believe me I am not the only one who draws a blank at this question. There are millions like me right now who are sitting at home probably watching superbowl commercials and guzzling beer just ignoring this question. Why? Because they do not know what else they should be doing with their lives. Maybe while reading this you might relate that even you could be one of those.

What is it that we desire? What is it that we want from our lives? How do I get rid of the boredom that is filling inside me? You reached a point in life which is considered as a commendable effort, but what next? It haunts me, it haunts us all… the scariest thing I feel currently I face is the big question……. What next?

I would like to know the means. The means that guide me to the end. But when I seem to think of it ,I draw a blank. What is the end? What are the means?

All is lost behind a door.. I don’t know how to fix this. I think that I should take the blame. Maybe I wanna feel more than I should.

I see deadlines all around, deadlines that make you work your ass off. Inside the deadlines there it is. You cannot run from it…. monotony!

Every new work we do .. every new assignment that we take up. A new job, a new car, a high raise.. all seem to be the most sought after things in the world. But as time takes its toll, all the excitement seems to fade away. We start taking it for granted. We start getting too comfortable with all of it, and then it settles into our lives. That is when you start to have no clue about where is you are heading.

Sometimes we r on a collision course with fate and we cannot figure out if its by accident or by design.. and there isn’t a thing we can do about it.

I look for the spark in my eye which I had as a child when I got a new toy car. It was the best of times :), if only someone had told me :(

Time changes so fast. I was thinking how nothing lasts.. and what a shame that is!

Time plays tricks on u.. one day u’re dreaming the next day the dream has become a reality. I don’t know how I got here, but here I am.. rotting away under the sun.. the clock is ticking.. the gap is widening.

And that is what I don’t want to do with my life....

We all are so desperate to feel something, anything, that we keep bumping into each other and keep fucking it towards the end of days.

Maybe time changes people , that is what I have discovered with my experience…especially when I go back home… It’s always a funny thing about coming home.. looks the same, smells the same, feels the same……. You realize what’s changed is u!

At this point I see that there are things I need to figure out.. for my sake..


Show me what I’m looking for,

Save me I’m lost.

I’m willing to pay any cost.

But show me what I’m looking for....